Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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