My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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