Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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