trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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