chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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