i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
