I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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