just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
