No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
