I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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