I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
