I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
