I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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