Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
