in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
