Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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