I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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