Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
