I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
