As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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