OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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