I just saw a hot homeless man
I cannot find my penis.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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