Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
