I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
