Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
