He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
