She's JV to your varsity
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize