Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
