I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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