I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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