I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
