It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
