I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
