o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
