I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
