I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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