Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
