Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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