I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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