Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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