Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
