Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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