btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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