sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
