I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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