Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
