I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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