it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
