btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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