great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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