Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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