Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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