Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
