this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
