i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
