first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
