Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
