Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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