p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
