I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
