hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
