I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
