guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize