I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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