What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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