I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
