Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
