I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
