I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
