I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
