True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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