I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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