My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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