did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
