Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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