I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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