I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize