Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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