He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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