apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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