I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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