she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
