walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're too hungover to prance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
