Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
