The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
