Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
