We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
