I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
