I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
