Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
