I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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