so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
